Pulse.

For the first time in nearly 6 months, I can finally say that I am really and truly happy.

I need to go to Subang Parade to change my dead router. Stupid piece of cheap junk only lasted a couple of months, but it came with a so-called lifetime warranty so oh well.

Feel like doing a little bit of shopping. Wanna get a portable laser mouse for my notebook. Using the touchpad when I'm on the go isn't gonna help my RSI. Resisting very hard from buying those Audio Technica ATH-M30s that I so crave. But who knows what I'll come back with? Heheh ;)

Pardon me, my mind's really very tired. Slept at 445am doing assignments, a record for me. Never did that in my entire life. Hope it'll be worth the effort (or lack of it).

The sands of time for me are running low.

Have this song stuck in my head now.

Infinite Dreams by Iron Maiden.

Infinite dreams I can't deny them
Infinity is hard to comprehend
I couldn't hear those screams
Even in my wildest dreams

Suffocation waking in a sweat
Scared to fall asleep again
In case the dream begins again

Someone's chasing, I cannot move
Standing rigid a nightmare's statue
What a dream, when will it end?
And will I transcend?

Restless sleep the mind's in turmoil
One nightmare ends another fertile
It's getting to me so scared to sleep
But scared to wake now, in too deep

Even though it's reached new heights
I rather like the restless nights
It makes me wonder, makes me think
There's more to this I'm on the brink
It's not the fear of what's beyond
It's just that I might not respond
I have an interest almost craving
Would I like to get too far in?

It can't be all coincidence
Too many things are evident
You tell me you're an unbeliever?
Spiritualist? Well me I'm neither
Wouldn't you like to know the truth
Of what's out there to have the proof
And find out just which side you're on
Where would you end in Heaven or in Hell?

Help me, help me to find my true self without seeing the future
Save me, save me from torturing myself even within my dreams

There's got to be just more to it than this
Or tell me why do we exist
I'd like to think that when I die
I'd get a chance another time
And to return and live again
Reincarnate, play the game
Again and again and again and again

***

Had a somewhat frustrating day, but it came with its own set of positives, so I guess it's all good.

"If today's a bad day tomorrow will be a good one. Nothing will be as bad as today right? At least today will pass."

I'm just glad today's over *crashes*

10 more days to go until my last assignment is due..

.. and 20 more days until finals.

Infinite dreams.

I've been in ridiculous health this past week. Blame it on the weather.

Haven't really recovered, and am having a migraine.

Ah well, I guess I have to live with my semi-permaflu and headache-prone nature.. but I guess they're a small price to pay compared to what I get from God in return :)

Will be really busy until the 20th when I submit my last assignment for the semester. Finals start on the 30th and will end on the 9th of December with a few breaks in between.

Then it'll be end of my fourth semester. Out of nine. Two of the remaining ones will be short semesters while one long semester will be taken up by internship.

I can see the end of the road, but I foresee a very tough journey. I still need to do much better. Procrastination is still the main demon I have to exorcise. I'm STILL rushing all my assignments, which wouldn't be the scenario had I not put of everything till the eleventh hour.

But oh well what else is new with me huh?

I need to realise that this is crunch time for me. I can't afford to lose my first-class honours. After all my blunders so far, even second-class upper won't be a sufficient enough redemption. Enough excuses, enough underachievements.

That said, I can't wait for the holidays. It's been a stressful semester.

This semester break, I want to:

• Go on a photography road trip! Been wanting to go for a long drive for quite some time, and I want to hone my photography skills as well. Penang seems like an ideal destination, but dad isn't so keen on me driving there without a Penangite. For obvious reasons.
• Go jamming with Antithesis and also whoever's back for holidays! A gig or two would be nice, but I would be contented enough with a few good jam sessions.
• Sharpen my programming skills and logical thinking to formulate algorithms. I need to get better. Much better. I'm a Computer Science student, and I NEED to be good, or at least competent in programming.
• Play basketball.
  
• Chill with friends who are coming back from overseas, and the local-based ones whom I haven't met up with in awhile.
• Pick up Mandarin, but maybe next semester break when nobody else is on holidays except for me.
• Anything else that I would love to do.
  

Okay need to sleep now. Going for cousin Frisya's wedding reception tomorrow, where I have to be the parking marshall!

Week 10.

Argh, I'm so far behind schedule T_T

I'm usually so tired after classes, when I get home I shut off my mind and kick back! Can't be doing that for the next one month or so though, with exams looming!

Here are my deadlines these next few weeks - need to put them somewhere I access daily in order to give me some sense of urgency!

Friday, 30th October

• Web Programming 1 - File Handling, Regular Expressions (10/100 * 0.25)
  

Tuesday, 3rd November

• Object-Oriented Programming - UML Lab Test (10%) (sei lor)
  

Thursday, 5th November

• Expert Systems - Knowledge Representation Quiz (not counted)
  

Monday, 9th November

• Web Programming 1 - Database Connectivity, Application State, Documentation and Presentation (60/100 * 0.25) (sei lor)
• Communication Skills - Informative Speech (10%)
  

Tuesday, 10th November

• Object-Oriented Programming - Java GUI Lab Test (10%) (sei lor)

Friday, 13th November

• Project Management 2 - Assignment + Presentation (40%)

Monday, 16th November

• Communication Skills - Persuasive Speech (25%)
  

Thursday, 20th November

• Expert Systems - Assignment Documentation + Presentation (30%)
  

Oh gosh I'm in for a rough few weeks. This doesn't include anything that will come in last minute, and I might've forgotten some stuff.

Well, I guess I gotta earn my honours..

48th.

Dearest Mummy,

In less than 2 weeks' time, it'll be three years since you left us. Until today, there isn't a day I wished you'd never left. Until today, there isn't a day where I haven't prayed for you.

I'm 21 years old now. Something you probably couldn't imagine when I was born, right? Hehe. To be honest, I couldn't imagine being 21 myself! Yeah I know it's just a number, but it's a significant one! You know, I kinda felt your presence during my birthday, when the family was celebrating it over lunch. In fact, the whole day, I felt this warm and comfortable feeling inside, and it had nothing to do with the birthday euphoria. I'm sure that was you.

Dearest Mummy,

You'd be happy to know that I finished first year with first-class honours. Second year's been a tough one so far though, and I sometimes wonder if I can keep it up until the end. No worries though, I haven't the slightest thought about giving up. Well, maybe a little - but I always keep daddy's and your words in mind - Aman, you can do anything if you get over your procrastinating habits! Haha :)

I wonder what you'd say if I told you I'm having trouble understanding Karnaugh maps. I know it's supposed to be the easiest thing that came out of Boolean algebra but I'm just totally lost in it. Maybe I didn't pay enough attention during lecture, oh well. No worries, I'll get it soon enough. Oh yeah. One very funny thing. My new Discrete Maths professor has degrees in Physics AND Computer Science. That's what you and daddy took in uni! I felt that God was humouring me when he told us that. He's a very good lecturer and has spent his whole working life as an educator - like you.

Dearest Mummy,

I'm sorry that I have to cut this letter short. I don't know what else to write anymore. I know that you know everything I've been going through, be it with myself or the family. I know that you've been praying for our happiness - I can feel it.

Life has been good, but of course, we've never forgotten you. You're still part of our dinner-table conversations. Heck, pretty much everything we do.

You know I love you and I miss you. Wish you were here.

Happy 48th birthday.

Love, your 21-year old catalogue baby,



Aman.

I want so many things.

This weekend, I attended a funeral service, and visited an orphanage.

The funeral service was for a friend's mum who passed away a few days ago. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that more and more of people my age group are getting orphaned, and most of them, like me, are the eldest in their family. Like time, life is also getting shorter. I wonder if this is a consequence of technology. Technology is capable of killing and give people new leases of life at the same time. Some suffer from the former, while others benefit from the latter.

But that's another debate for another day. As a believer, I say God decides which end we're at, and gives the best for both the living and the departed. When it comes to death, it all depends on how we, the living, choose to view it.

As the service went on, I was reminded on my own experience three years ago. I could totally relate to my friend - all the emotions, from pain to relief. Nobody loves to face death, but with one, relief tends to follow. No more waking up in the morning wondering if the loved one could make it through the day. No more worrying about the loved one when going about daily chores. No more feeling pain when the loved one is in pain. No more worrying when the ordeal would end. No more uncertainty.

That, is a good thing.

Anyway, my deepest condolences to my friend and his family. I've said what I could've and should've said personally, so I don't think I need to explain anything else here.

Moving on, my visit to the orphanage was totally unplanned. My grandmother called earlier this week and asked when's our next visit, because she hasn't seen us since the first day of Raya. So, my dad made it a point to go this weekend, but it so happened that my Mak Long, who takes care of my grandma, had already allocated part of today to feed the orphans. So, she invited my family, together with some of my uncles to tag along. So, we did.

Long story cut short, that visit to the orphanage touched me and made me realise how lucky I am. I can't delve on the details of those emotions because, well, to be honest, I haven't been thinking much about them - I was extremely tired and just wanted to crash at my Mak Long's place. Heck I didn't speak to them at all and just stuck with my cousins throughout lunch. In hindsight, I should have. But too late for that.

This week was filled with realisations, reflections and life lessons. I had them all mapped out but I just can't think how I want to organise and phrase them. Bad excuse I know, but I'm sorry. I feel like my memory has been failing me lately, I find it so difficult to remember names and details now. And no, it's not a side effect of turning 21. It's just me. Haha.

Some random bits on my recent life:

# Had an open house last Saturday. Semi-open. Whatever. As always, I have to be really stingy with invites because I share the open house with my siblings.

Turnout was awesome, although it was quite a different group compared to last year. What to do, most of last year's group are overseas :(



Group pic! Minus Johan, Cassandra, Melvin and Naufal who left early.

# Bought Uncharted 2, one of the most anticipated PS3 games of 2009! I initially wanted to wait until Week 11, which is in 3 weeks' time, because I would be done with most of my assignments by then, but since I already finished inFamous and am in a gaming mood, I just ordered Uncharted 2 without thinking. Whoops :p



Spot the odd game out. You can if you know your PS3 exclusives ;)

Another PS3 game, another setback to the other things on my wishlist. By the way, a flashgun, tripod, filter and lens shield have been added to it. Don't ask.

# Played a blind dying pianist for a stop-motion video. Am I awesome or what?



Picture credits to Wan Kimm, the stop-motion video is her coursework. I only agreed to help out because she promised I wouldn't have to do stupid poses and my whole face wouldn't be shown, except for one subscene. And no I wasn't the only actor la duh, her friend Laura was helping out as well.

The piano is such a beautiful instrument, sadly I only started to appreciate it after leaving school. Guess this is the closest I'll come to being a pianist :(

Well, guess I'll end this post here then. Expect another update next week or so, if I feel like it.

Second year kills!

[rant]

Argh this week is so packed with work!

Have to do a comparative analysis on JESS, CLIPS and OPS5 Expert System Shells and also study for my Discrete Maths test tomorrow.

Also have to submit Server Side Includes by this Friday. Whatever that is.

All coursework-related stuff are due by Week 11, so that makes me very hard up for time these next 3 weeks. Minus this week it's 2 (oh crap!).

Well actually not so lah. Procrastination (still) takes up half my time. If I actually managed my time properly I wouldn't be so tight. Oh well.

Have to start utilising my brain before it's too late!

Oh yea. Just found out my internship is in Semester 7, which means next August! Wah scary.

Ok I'd better get down to work after lunch right now.

[/rant]